Yes, I am. Very hung over, actually, though not for the reasons one usually is hung over. No wine or liquor involved. God my life is dull.

Yesterday I schluffed the monkeys off on the MIL and took off for Dijon. I didn’t have enough time for breakfast, so I had to eat on the run. Hurt me. I got to IKEA!!!! just before noon and even though it was one of those days where the rug rats have no school, the crowd was at a tolerable level. Of course, every one who was at IKEA!!!! happened to be hanging out in the kitchen corner, so trying to organize my kitchen à la IKEA!!!! just didn’t seem worth the wait. Maybe next time.

And the next time will be soon! See, the day’s goal was to order the bed for monkey—order it, because for the past three weeks IKEA!!!!’s web-site has told me with a straight face that the item isn’t in stock in Dijon. Liar, liar, pants on fire. It was in stock, and apparently is an item they try to keep in stock since everyone loves it. Cue freak out music because I came in the car and not the Boxer with its 12 cubic meters of IKEA!!!! stuff-full-able-ness. Crap! But Mr. Helpful IKEA!!!-guy assured me the bed would fit in my car. No problems. And it did.

Along with the mattress, the springs, the down comforter, two sets of sheets and a duvet cover, a new pillow and a few boxes for the Muppetheaded One to put his MegaBlocks in because I’m tired of him ripping up all the diaper boxes we get. Oh, Saint Nick the Louse stashed something in the car too, but shhhh. They monkeys are lurking.

Suddenly it was lunch time. My shopping was done, my car loaded (with plenty of space left over I might add—ripping just one car seat out automatically makes our car seven times larger. The line to eat upstairs was affreux, so I grabbed a hot dog, and 20€ worth of other crap in the épicerie, and headed out to my second stop. IKEA!!!! took all of 45 minutes. I think that’s a record of sorts.

I had a pit stop to fill the car up with gas and the girl in the little booth, bless her heart, explained the short cut to me so I didn’t have to drive through Dijon to get to Toys R Us at the Toison d’Or—a mall of all things, in France!

I breezed quickly through the toy store and glanced around Cultura (can’t say I was impressed, sorry girls) and then headed into the main building to find sustenance and maybe some threads for the ever-growing Piglet-who-should-be-called-Tigger-because-all-she-does-is-hop. This was the biggest mistake I could have made. The place was severely over-crowded and over-heated and I was so instantly sick I almost didn’t have time to dash into the (thankfully empty) ladies’ retreat. I emerged 45 minutes later feeling a touch better, though very drained. I think might have scared the granny who takes care of the toilets a bit, but I reassured her I was just pregnant, no need for an ambulance. Nice of her to ask, though.

I managed to find a bite to eat at a little Japanese grill, and although I ordered light, I still ended up leaving a good bit of food on my plate. But I did manage to down an entire litter of Evian, and that helped. Feeling a bit stronger, I decided to Do The Mall, something I haven’t done since leaving the States SIX YEARS AGO (its official now, six whole years as of yesterday), and found absolutely nothing to buy. Not a damn thing. And folks, I tried. I really did. I had one check left in my check book and dammit, I wanted to spend it.

So I left and got Chinese food on the way home. Two birds, one check.

But the day didn't have such a happy ending after all. The springs I got are the wrong size. I'll have to go back. Boohoohoo. (And no, I did not do it on purpose, Marc, so get that idea out of your head.)

And leftover Chinese food for breakfast is a good way to start the day…almost as good as cold pepperoni pizza.