Dearest Published Author And Therefore Key To My Future,

How are you? Are you properly recovered from this past weekend's debauch in England? Are you breathing calmly and normally? Is life back to normal?

Let me screw all that up for you :°)

Hi Ian! It's me.

So about this little get together in Gay Paris next Saturday:

--Marc and I are planning a little romantic get-away in the city of lights in the days running up to your Abbey thing. (Did you just choke on your own tongue? I know, it's shocking, the two of us doing anything, much less something deemed 'romantic', in a city both of us hate with a passion, but what do you know, times, they's a changin'.) He's coming back home and I will be left in the capital for the entire afternoon before the evening when we all eat goodies from the Auvergne, buy books, tell raunchy stories and finish drunk, nude, and spent by (or maybe in?) the Seine. (I am thinking of the right party, aren't I?)

--During that afternoon, I am hoping to partake of a bit of Gay Paris' best by running with the bulls, or rather the trannies, in the Gay Pride Parade. What better activity to get in the mood? (Actually the Paris version of Gay Pride is something I've had serious wet dreams about ever since I marched in NY these many years ago.)

--I am currently searching out free couch space so that I may get properly sloshed with all your knowledgeable and cultured Parisian cohorts. My long-promised bed has been usurped by a child’s birthday party (how very dare they!), but I hope to have some good news about that in the near future.

--I have, in my goodness and purity, convinced my husband to shell out 300€ or so for a night full of jiggly boobies and overpriced food at Le Moulin Rouge. Any advice on how to handle the emergency workers called to the scene when he’s handed the bill would be appreciated. Will possibly carry a bottle of O2 just in case.

--Have you had any feedback from my very tiny list of Parisian lovers? Do I need to knock the bitches around any?

Hope all is well down there where you are. The French Gals who have started reading your book are mightily impressed by the way. Ludy is very happy it reads like you talk so she’s found it very easy to fit right into the rhythm of it. The only slightly critical thing I’ve heard has been from Kelly—the American with the baby, and that’s just been that she’s had a hard time picturing Norman in her head. The long hair just doesn’t gel with how she sees him.

Happy thoughts and champagne kisses to you and yours,

Me -->ya know, Doc, the crazy American in Haute Marne