A few months back I was hospitalized for a few days. I’d been experiencing a bit of back pain around my kidneys, and since I have a very long and distinguished history with those particular organs my regular doctor sent me right in to see the specialist. After a few days of poking, prodding, and saving my pee in a jug, I was told there was absolutely nothing wrong with me—except that the lining around my heart was a bit swollen, but hey, that’s nothing to worry about.

The specialist taking care of me was stumped. I was obviously a bit exhausted when I arrived (my blood pressure was way, way low but came right back up to normal after a few days of sleeping whenever I could--which was often, or rather ALL THE TIME), but aside from that NOTHING. So the idea was put forth that maybe I’m a bit nutters, although the clinical speak for this was much more polite.

Still, it’s a bit of a shock to the old system to be told that the pain you’re feeling shouldn’t exist. Because pain, ya know, it really tires you out, and it can drag you under when you’re already on the way down. And when said pain is obviously just a figment of one’s imagination…

Grr.

I visited the regular doc again recently with MP3 (shots, check-up, more on that later) and explained that the pain, well, it’s still sitting right there in my head where it obviously is because God knows no amount of blood-work, X-rays, CT scans and ultrasounds is yielding any results. Maybe I’m just a hypochondriac? Maybe Marc’s right and I am crazy? Who knows…

So she ordered more tests, a series of X-rays and prescribed me some happy muscle-relaxers and juicy pain medication that does not make one drowsy—can’t have that when MP3 has discovered she’s got LEGS! And that they MOVE!

The first day was lovely. I was almost 98% pain free! I almost felt human again. And then everything fell apart. Day two of the muscle-relaxers damned near killed me. I was hurting and when this Doc is in pain, she’s an EVIL MUTHERFUCKER OF A BITCH to put it mildly. Day three was worse, and when I had to repeatedly stop myself from tossing one or the other of the children from the roof because Dammit Leave Me Alone I’m Dying, I knew something needed to be done.

So I called the Dr this time, explained what was happening, and was basically told that I’m strange, that there’s nothing at all listed in the Vidal (French version of the PDR) that can be attributed to the medication, but if I think I’d be happier, then I should just stop taking them. So I did, and the pain went from the red ALARM ALARM SUICIDAL INFANTICIDAL zone to the OK I’m Just Imagining This zone. I never thought being in pain would be a relief, but then I never imagined such a wide variety of painful ouchiness.

Today I had the x-rays taken, and Lo! I’m not crazy! At least not about hurting all the damn time. Other crazy? That’s still up for debate. But this is not a figment of my imagination! I almost kissed the doctor explaining everything to me, and I had tears of joy in my eyes as I left the cabinet de radiologie. Bad news has never felt so good!

And lest I be mistaken for being over-dramatic, the news isn’t that bad. I’m not dying, won’t end up handicapped, or have serious health issues. I am looking at the probability, however, of life-long pain management, and I can totally live with that, because it sure beats being labeled NUTS in a country where folks Go To The DOCTOR for a HANGNAIL.

(MP3 is just fine. She’s growing tall and her head is expanding right on schedule. However, she still isn’t gaining weight the way she should be. She’s eating, she’s eating a lot more than before actually, so we’re making a few small changes in diet, in routine, and we’ll see what happens next. It is rather frightening, though, to have a baby like this one. She’s got the cutest fattest cheeks around, and looks like a cute fluffy baby, but she’s yet to double her birth weight (still got 2.2 kilos to go, around five pounds) and that’s a bit of a concern. And, please don’t think I’m complaining, because I’m far from complaining, she’s sooooo mellow compared to the older two, who were both climbing up and walking down the stairs at this age. MP3 is only just starting to move around—not quite a crawl, but very, very fun to watch! We’ve been blessed with a perfectly LOVELY child, a calm, sweet, cherubic angel! Now if only we could fatten her up!)