24 May 2007
The end of another battle…
Man, I swear, my husband and I disagree about almost everything—everything that has anything to do with money in any shape or form, and the spending thereof. He’s cheap. I’m a lot more likely to be freer with the cash for certain things. Like safety. Remember the car seat wars? What nightmares this man gives me.

You can imagine the tension around here lately as Exorcism Day fast approaches. See, we have a rather large French car. Rather large, but not large enough for three car seats and two parents, and possibly The Au Pair. Two car seats barely leaves enough space in the back seat for Marc to squeeze in his butt, and mine? Forget it. No way in hell we’d ever fit yet another baby seat back there, especially one like ours that attaches to a base and then turns to click into position. Ain’t happening. So we need a larger car.

Thus the battle began.

Did I mention Marc’s cheap?

Did I also mention he has strange tastes? (And yes, I know he married me and the strange taste thing is obvious for that fact alone, but honestly, it goes FAR beyond that.)

See, he got this idea in his head a while back that our next car should be the UGLIEST thing on the roads here. And if ugly isn’t the correct choice of word, then just say the thing is very fucking particular. Very.

And for quite a while now he’s been going on and on about this UGLY car and how practical it is and all the wonderful happy joyful things about it. It doesn’t use a lot of fuel, there’s SPACE galore, never have to worry about anyone stealing it. Seriously, would you risk jail for one of these things?

Then his sister, the one of Scary Baby fame, told him about a friend of theirs who was selling his Chrysler Voyager. His 14 year old Chrysler Voyager. His CHEAP, CHEAP 14 year old Chrysler Voyager.

And I watched the dream die.

So we had to go see it, this CHEAP car (that’s 14 years old) and try it out and think loving thoughts about it. And isn’t it a bargain! (Yes, but it’s 14 years old.) And I got really scared, because not only did I see the scary truth that I’d probably have to bundle my three precious offspring into this hideous, crumbling, cigarette-smelling, filthy, ancient beast of a car, but I realized just how attached I’d become to the idea of owning the Worlds Ugliest Vehicle Ever.

And my heart broke.

And then something totally unrelated to the car thing happened. I had a nerve flare up under one of my teeth and OH JESUS CHRIST does that hurt. So after not sleeping all night (slight exaggeration—I did sleep ‘till 1 AM), and being a ROYAL BITCH all day because of the pain, I broke down and called Mr. PainFreeDentist and got fit in Right Away (being 9 months pregnant does have its advantages).

18 pain shots and a root canal later I get a call from the CHEAP husband. Would I be interested in going to see an Ugly Car? What the hell. I mean, I’d never actually sat in one or driven one (although I did accost a lady at the super market the other day and bombard her with questions—all of which she answered favorably), so maybe this is what I needed to help resign myself to the fact that my garage, should we ever be able to live in our house, will be occupied by a Smelly, Old, Piece of Crap Chrysler. I mean, c’mon. It’s an Ugly Car, Surely it can’t be comfortable, or spacious, or fuel efficient, or any of a million other good things, right.

So we drove for an hour to go see this Ugly Thing in all it’s blue, all options but leather, low, low kilometers glory and well…


And what’s worse…

…Marc did, too. So hard, in fact, that when we got back from test driving it, he didn’t even try to negotiate the price.

I’d like to say we’ll be picking her up soon. But for now, Marc has decided that I no longer have the right to take road trips. So HE will be picking her up soon.

Hi. My name is Doc, and I own an UGLY car.

PS: Anyone interested in a Laguna?
posted by Doc at 23:05 | Permalink |


  • At 23:54, Anonymous jadie

    did you know that MOMA had this car in their 1999 show about cars for the future?! you're not the only one to fall hard for this car...

  • At 01:13, Anonymous Alison

    Ha! Those are really ugly, for sure, but they are all over the place, so there must be something to them. Especially if you fell hard.

    Congrats on the new car. And no, I don't want your Laguna. :)

    Oh geez, my word is "baclv" and all I can think of is "bac langue vivante." And baklava. Mmmm. Baklava!

  • At 06:48, Blogger Wendz

    Ugly, but in a cute way. Yay! You got a new car! Yay!

  • At 08:55, Blogger Samantha

    No!! Not the bubble car!!!

  • At 10:21, Blogger Linda

    They are strange looking cars but you sure do see alot of them.
    What is it about pregnant women and teeth? I know many who had to have root canals while pregnant. I also once worked with someone who went to Mexico and had all of her teeth-all needing root canals-pulled and got herself some false teeth. She was so young too. I bet she regrets it to this day.

  • At 11:17, Blogger Poppy Fields

    Before clicking on the link or scrolling down to the photo, I was going to suggest this Fiat. Yes they are ugly, but the moms I know with three little kids, can put three carseats in a row on the back seat. It's that or a Kangoo.

  • At 15:07, Blogger Melissa

    That thing is hella ugly, but I know its way better than the 14 year old monstrosity. The new car has character and a great personality. And good hair. I mean, there are uglier cars out there. This one has so many good qualities, lets not judge it based on what it looks like on the outside. My mom said that it's what's on the inside that counts!

  • At 15:18, Blogger misschrisc

    Very ugly, yes but I bet his nice personality. (I can't be nice on that one) And at least you're leaving behind the Renault. We will never, ever, ever, ever, ever buy a Renault ever again. Awful cars!

  • At 17:38, Blogger Heather

    Actually, as unattractive as it may appear, I must admit I am digging the height of the back area there. You can save your back while buckling the three kiddies into their carseats! Good on ya! Also, congrats on NOT getting the Chrysler - that would have sucked. And a new car is a new car - ugly or no.

  • At 10:42, Blogger Deb

    It's cute! And very practical considering all the kiddies you have now! ;o)

  • At 11:28, Blogger jchevais

    Did you say Laguna ?...

  • At 13:37, Blogger TorAa

    I call it "A car with a view". Congrats;D
    Mine is too big for French villages ( a C5) - so when in France, I go by air from Norway and then rent a small one.

  • At 12:50, Blogger afoos

    Etienne and I have always disagreed about the car situation. He has always had pieces of crap that break down every 5 minutes, and my philosophy has always been to buy a rather recent car that is more reliable. When we saw that with the two carseats I was sitting with my knees practically on the dashboard in our ZX, Etienne agreed that we needed a bigger car.

    And, somehow I persuaded him to get a recent minivan type vehicle.

    Love the new ride- think cute, not ugly! And, I imagine with 3 kids you aren't thinking about aesthetics anymore but more about practicality. This is how I really quickly got over the minivan complex- it is too damn practical to not like.